I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
