dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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