I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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