It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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