Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
