tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
