I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
your like the ambassador to my penis.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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