She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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