no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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