i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
