Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
