Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
