when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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