I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
