I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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