ya dads aren't the best wingmen
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
