I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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