it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
