I haven't been this sober since birth.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
