At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
