currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My dick has a subreddit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
