wakey wakey hands off snakey
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
