I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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