she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's on the porch naked. Help.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
