Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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