the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
