i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
