I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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