Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
