College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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