There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
