I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
