Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
