Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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