i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize