I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
