the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize