new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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