Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
