the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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