i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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