Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
