This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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