I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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