She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
