Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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