i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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