some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
