So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
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Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He? As in you personified your dick?
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i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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