I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
