her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
