i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They took my balls.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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