Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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