I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
