dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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