Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
