i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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