I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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