If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
