I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
