I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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