you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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