We're facebook friends in real life
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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