You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
