guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
