After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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