she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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