Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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